


A cry of grace

by dracaenajay



Category: Dirk Gently - Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Canon Compliant, Dimension Travel, Gen, M/M, Meta, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24054514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracaenajay/pseuds/dracaenajay
Summary: A bunch of scenes from last april's nanowrimo that I couldn't finish
Relationships: Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue- A Message You Were Meant to Find

Season 3, Episode 1 - Connect to something in some way that eventually becomes  _ a simply enormous problem _

* * *

Maybe this is what it’s all about. Running away. Coming back. Getting lost. Being found. Maybe life is all about the things that go wrong, and how you go about fixing them. No one wants to read a book without a villian. No one wants to watch a show about normal people doing their normal boring life.. Things. That’s why they come to me. It’s all about me after all, isn’t it? 

Who am I? I am no one. I am nothing. Everything is connected. Nothing is also connected. The universe is made up of countless links. Thousands and thousands of seemingly unrelated events connecting to form the big picture. See, you and I are the same. We’re connected in the same way a teacup is connected to a saucer. Maybe we’ve never met. Maybe we might. Maybe you’ve got a Dirk in your life. Not me, but someone, and that links us in a way more subtle and significant than you can ever imagine. The universe is made of a fundamental interconnectedness of all things. 

I am no one, yet I am the person that sees it all.

There are things that tie all of us, so invisible yet so subtle. They might tie a deer with the hunter destined to kill it. They might tie a kitten to its mother. They can tie a dead rock star to the man that had his house burned down. They might tie you to me. 

And maybe, they might tie all our future problems with this gun right here. With Lydia all away across the world. With Beast running around with the Rowdy 3. 

This is what I do. I found all those invisible links, things no one else sees. And I use them to solve cases. A holistic detective, I’m a leaf in the stream of creation, floating around rocks, no control over my destination, but always where I’m meant to be. 

Maybe that’s why I’m here now, countless miles away from the only people that have ever cared about me, the people that I care about. Maybe that’s why I’m here now, purposefully back to the one place I swore never to return, the one place that caused me more pain than you could ever imagine. 

Was it even my choice? Did I decide to go there? Or was I, once again, dragged away from everything I’ve ever wanted? Forced to abandon my friends, my family, my dreams?

Maybe that’s why I’m writing this. Maybe you were meant to find it. Who you are, I don’t know, but we’re connected. 

Can you do me one favour though? Just deliver a simple message for me, would you? Please? Get this to Todd. Todd Brotzman. You’ll find him. How? I don’t know, but you’re meant to find him. He’s meant to see this, just as you were meant to find it.

My name is Dirk Gen- no, it’s time for the truth. My name is Svlad Cjelli. I’ve been lying to you, Todd, the whole time we’ve known each other, but I can’t do it anymore. I especially can’t leave with you thinking you know who I am, when you really don’t. Todd, I know you. I know you’re going to think this was your fault. I know you’d find a way to make it your fault. You don’t see all the goodness in you, all the beauty, that I do. You think you’re selfish, that you’re bad, but I need you to know that I meant it when I said that you’re the single most important thing that has ever happened to me. I mean it when I say that you’re the single best thing that could’ve happened to me. 

Which is why I’m telling you this. Maybe now you’ll make the right choice and not search for me ever again. By the time you read this, I should be back to Blackwing. I never told you about my time at St. Cedd’s, did I? It’s because I never wanted you to hate me, I never wanted you to realize what a mistake you made when you came back that day at the hospital. You called me a monster before, remember? You probably regret it a lot now, don’t you? You really shouldn’t. You were right then, even though I denied it. You were right and I’m telling you this now, because I need you to hate me. It might shatter my heart, it might break me, but I need you to hate me. Because you’ll get hurt otherwise, and you getting hurt might actually kill me.

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? Well, that’s because I am. 


	2. Chaper 1

It was 2:47am when Todd woke up. He didn’t know why, but he knew for certain that he couldn’t go back to sleep. There was a feeling of wrongness in his chest, as if a block of black smoke just decided to reside in him. His chest felt heavy, as if something was dropped on him, and he was struggling for breath. With the panic, game the begrudging acceptance and somber knowledge of what it was. He was having a pararibulitis attack. 

And so, throwing away the blankets and tripping on his way up, Todd rushed to get his pills. It was then, just as he was getting up and rushing to get his medicine, that he noticed it. At first, it just felt like an absence. Something missing, but you didn’t know what it was so there was no way it was that important anyway. But then, when the unnatural silence kept weighing on him, and he kept, if subconsciously, waiting for something to happen or  _ someone  _ to talk, that he finally realised. 

Dirk wasn’t here. 

He noticed it in the unpresent details. Like how his bed was made, not the rumbled mess with a seemingly dead body on top of it that was actually just his best friend. Like how his jackets, all so colourful and bright, were nowhere to be seen, instead of every corner he looked. Like how his favourite shirt, the Mexican Funeral one that Todd gave him (and if the thought made Todd feel things in his stomach that he wanted to deny, and a happiness that found him no matter what. Well, no one had to know), wasn’t hung up above the bed, one the singular black hanger they had in their room. 

He noticed it, not in what was there, but in what wasn’t. In the absence of Dirk’s happy rambling, or even his rushed breathes as he came out of a nightmare. In the absence of warmth in the room Todd didn’t even know was there until it was gone. In the absence of the biggest sign that came in the form of his best friend, the biggest sign that he was finally,  _ finally,  _ doing something good with his life. 

It was all because of Dirk. 

And now he wasn’t here.

As much as Todd was relieved it wasn’t an attack, he suddenly wished it had been. At least, then, he would’ve had a solution, a step to move forwards, that he didn’t now. 

The panic of the false alarm recided, but it came back with full strength when he realised he had no idea what to do. The last time Dirk had gone missing, he had been kidnapped by Blackwing. What if that was what this was?

But there’s no way, because he would’ve heard it, right? He would’ve heard it if Dirk had been stolen right from under his nose, less than 10 feet away. 

Right? 

_ Right?  _

Whatever, he couldn’t worry now. Whatever happened, Todd had to do something about it. What did you do when your roommate/best friend/coworker/boss suddenly went missing in the middle of the night? The same person that has a nasty habit of getting in dangerous situations more often than not? The same person that has a track record of being kidnapped by evil government agencies? 

Todd guessed google couldn’t help him this time around. 

Should he call Farah? She knew what to do last time. That sounded right. He should call Farah. 

With the barest glimpse of a plan in mind, Todd changed his course to get his phone. He found Farah’s contact and clicked on it, holding his breath as he heard it ringing. 

“Farah! Dirk is gone!” Todd exclaimed, as soon as he heard the line pick up. Okay, maybe not the best way to start a conversation, but Todd thought he could get away with it this time. 

“What? What happened?” She said, not showing the barest hint of having been woken up, as should everyone at 3am at night. 

“He’s gone. I just woke up, but he wasn’t here and all his things are gone and I don’t know what to do, what if he’d been kidnapped again, Farah? What if som-”

“Todd! I’m sure he’s fine, Dirk can take care of himself,” Farah interrupted his growing panic. Her logic, however, didn’t seem to calm the worrying detective one bit. 

“What if he can’t Farah? What if something bad happened to him?” Todd felt his heart drop just thinking about it. He couldn’t go back to life without Dirk. 

“Then you still can’t panic. We’re no help to him if we’re panicking”, okay, she might’ve had a point. But that didn’t stop Todd’s mind from going through countless different, equally horrible, scenarios. He didn’t know what to do. 

“I don’t know what to do, Farah. What do we do?” He could hear his own despair in his voice, but he couldn’t care less. There were much more important things happening. 

“Have you tried calling him?” asked the clearly much smarter of the pair, pointing out what Todd should’ve thought of right away. 

“Uh, no,” said Todd, sounding a little less freaked out and a little more sheepish. He really should've thought of that, “I’ll do that now. I’ll call you back,” he completed, preparing to do just that. 

“Okay, tell me what you find. He not even be hurt, maybe he just went on a midnight walk or something.” That did sound like Dirk, but Todd had a bad feeling that it really wasn’t. Maybe this is what Dirk’s hunshes felt like. 

“Okay,” he said, his voice showing exactly how disbelieving he was. 

Though distracted, Todd said his good-byes and tried to call Dirk. He didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t… this.

* * *

“Hello?” he said, as soon as the call was connected. He didn’t let himself be relieved yet. He couldn’t. Not when didn’t know if Dirk was safe. 

“Hi,” he heard a voice say on the other side. A voice that was young and high. A voice that was a little girl's.

À voice that distinctively not Dirk’s. 

“Uh, hi,” He said back, not sure if this was a friend or foe. It might be a little girl, but in this world? You never know. “Who is this?” he asked, finally. 

“Uhm, are you, sorry this is gonna sound crazy,” he heard the kid stutter, seemingly unsure of what to say, “sorry, are you Todd Brotzman?” she finally continue, after taking in a deep breath.

Todd was starting to worry now. Worry even more than he already was. First, Dirk was missing. Now, a little girl answered his phone? A little girl that somehow  _ knew his name?  _

He didn’t know what was happening, but he was certain it wasn’t good. 

“I said, who is this?” he asked again, more sternly this time. He vaguely felt bad; if this was a normal kid, they’d probably be terrified, whatever was happening, but his worry for his freien clouded his judgement .

“Uhm, yess sorry,” she paused, “My name is ivy”

Well, he definitely wasn’t any closer to finding dirk than he was before, but it was a start at least. 

Todd guessed he should look at the bright side; she didn’t sound that threatening at least. 

“Ivy Krevtan” she continued. 

“I think I’m in the wrong universe”   
  
Ah, and there it was. The moment his life went crazy. Again. 

Todd sighed. He really didn’t want to do this again, but he didn’t think he had a choice. Dirk was probably in danger. And it probably involved alternate universes. Why does it always have to be multiple universes? Why couldn’t it just be, I don't know, talking flowers? 

“Hello?” the girl’s small voice brought him back to the here and now, not... houses that tried to eat you in pocket dimension. 

“Right, hi.” He paused, taking in a deep breath and forcing himself to focus. “Why do you think you’re in the wrong universe? Or better yet, why do you have this phone?”

“I found it here on the ground, along with a letter from Dirk Gently, except Dirk Gently shouldn’t exist and neither should you because you both are characters, book characters, TV show characters, except you both clearly do because I’m talking to you right now and I just read a letter from Dirk and oh my god this can’t be happening, it’s not happening, no  _ no-”  _ evidently shaken up, the girl, Ivy, kept repeating the word over and over again, and Todd couldn’t really blame her, not if she was telling the truth. 

“Alright, uh, Ivy. How about we meet?” Bad idea, clearly, meeting a stranger that has your missing friend's phone and claims to be from a different universe, but since when was Todd known for his sound ideas? 

He heard her breathe, clearly trying to calm down and move forward with what was happening. He gave her a moment, silently going through every reason this could end in a disaster, but still being firm on his choice. If anything, this was his only link to what might’ve happened to Dirk. 

“Alright, sure” he heard her say, no sign of the proper hesitation or doubt she should have before agreeing to go somewhere with a strange man. That was also a bad sign. Either she was who she says she was, and was actually from another universe, or she was lying for who knows why. Todd couldn’t tell which was worse.

Well, too late now. It’s not like he would’ve backed down anyway, not when it was Dirk’s safety on the line. 

  
“Okay” he said, and they planned out where and when they were meeting. The where being a public park she was in, and the when being right the fuck  _ Now.  _


	3. Chapter 2

When Todd arrived at the park, he didn’t know what to expect. Ivy, if that was even her name, could be a serial killer, could be a cult member, could be something not human all together, and she could be who she says she is, a normal teen from a different universe where he and Dirk were fictional characters. 

Yeah, he had no idea what to expect. 

As he was walking around, searching for anyone who looked strange, or had something about them stand out, Todd felt a tap on his back. He jumped, feeling his heart pumping in his chest and the blood pumping in his ears. Turning around, he saw a young girl, couldn't have been any older than 15. She had black hair and green eyes that looked like they glowed. Was this Ivy? He wasn’t sure why he was surprised. Maybe he’d expected blonde hair and blue eyes, or maybe someone older. 

Or maybe he had no idea what to expect and wasn’t even certain he wasn’t about to get murdered. 

Yeah, that seemed like it. 

“Todd?” she asked, her voice sounding slightly deeper than it had on the phone. “Is that really you?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, the second one sounding more like a sigh than any word. “Ivy?” he didn’t know why he asked, it was obviously her. He still needed to make sure though. Could never be too safe. in his world. 

“Yes, hi” she said, smiling tentatively. She was slightly shorter than him, which was saying something seeing how short he actually was. 

“Hi,” he parroted. “Do you wanna, uh, sit and talk?” He asked, feeling stupid and awkward.   
  


Dirk disappearing, and now this? Clearly something was happening, something big. And it was all related. Somehow. 

This was so not his thing. He couldn't do it alone last time and he couldn’t do it alone either. 


	4. Chapter 3: Man Riding Horse-Sized Chicken, Careful What You Wish For

With the sound of keyboards typing in the background, and the smell of coffee in the air, Dirk sighed. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his job, because he really did. He just disliked, no, hated, the paperwork aspect of it. He usually skipped paperwork Mondays, but Todd wasn’t having that today. He practically dragged Dirk out of his bed, ignoring his whining and the way he was practically holding onto his pillow for dear life. When Todd left him in the bathroom, Dirk made the mistake of thinking he was safe. It’s not like he could’ve known that Todd would march back in and pour a cup of ice water on his head.

Back on his disk, bored out of his mind, Dirk looked at said torturer best friend. He looked the same as he always did; he wore one of his classic black and white striped long sleeves, sporting a light stubble and a faint mustache. Dirk wondered whether if he sighed loud enough, and showed that he had no intention of doing any of the work, Todd would learn his lesson and let him be, or if it would be a tipping point for their friendship. 

The thought of that alone, of not having Todd in his life anymore, drove Dirk back to his work. He stared at his screen, with the million different boxes he had to check and the countless lines he had to fill out with useless description after useless description. Never having wanted a new case as he did now, Drik groaned.


	5. Chapter 4: Significant Dilemmas

“If you were forced to spend the rest of your life in a library, museum or zoo, which would you choose? What would your new life look like?”   
  


_ Not this again,  _ you thought, but you knew you had no choice. Sitting up to lean against your headboard, all hopes for sleep abandoned, you thought back to the question your roommate asked. If someone had told you a few years ago this is what adult life was like, waking up in the middle of the night to your holistic detective of a flatmate, to answer his seemingly random and out-of-nowhere questions, you would’ve scoffed in their face. First, what in the world was a holistic detective? Secondly, you had a flatmate? Maybe even a real friend? And lastly, why, and you say this gain,  _ why  _ would you ever wake up to answer those questions? But nonetheless, that was your life now. You turned to look at him, a simple raise of your eyebrows telling him to repeat the question. There was no point trying to avoid it anyway, and, afterall, these questions, more often than not, prove helpful on whatever strange case you were working on. 

He sighed, as if exasperated you didn’t take in his question the first time, as if he wasn’t the one that woke you up at god-knows-what hour, but complied nevertheless. “If you were forced to spend the rest of your life in a library, museum or zoo, which would you choose? What would your new life look like?” he asked. And then, seemingly not planning to let you answer, he jumped into his own conclusions. “I’d probably- no, definitely, pick the library. I mean, endless books! You’d never get bored!”. Your friend went on and on, listing reason after reason on why the library was the obvious option, duh. 

You let him go, as, just the same as the question, the detective’s answers, more often than not, are significant. He then looks at you, expectant, and you look back. “Probably the museum,” you said, ignoring his indignant yelp, “books are way too boring, I’d get distracted right away. No way I’d choose the zoo, not after what happened the last time we were there.” You paused, seeing him grimace over the memory of how you both almost died, and you are suddenly struck with the urge to hug your friend. 

“Ah yes, of course”, Todd heard Dirk say, as he followed him outside. He caught a glimpse of him looking back down from where he was watching the sky. Todd jogged a little, catching up with Dirk and walking by his side. As he slowed down his pace, he took a moment to look at what Dirk saw, thinking it couldn’t be that weird. It was almost ironic, how, afterwards, Todd practically questioned his whole existence. There, above them, walking over one of the electricity lines, Todd saw a zebra. He had to double take, so confused about how unphased Dirk was. Thinking back though, to what he’s been through since meeting the other detective, Todd couldn’t really think too much of it. Weirder things have happened. 

And so, with a sigh, Todd just closed his eyes, looked back at Dirk, and kept walking. Of course, because his life was the joke that it is, the first thing he saw in front of him was a chicken. A six foot tall chicken. A chicken, bigger than a horse, with a man on its back riding it as if it was one. “So that was the noise we heard”, Todd said, thinking back to the thudding that brought them out from the office, where they were doing normal, safe, paperwork. The thought was almost wistful. 

It was past the point of turning back for him, clearly, which is how Todd found himself later chasing those goddamn chickens as one of them dragged Dirk around, as if he was nothing more than a simple worm. To them, he probably wasn’t. 


	6. Chapter 5: Owl on a Skateboard

This was it. They have got to be in an alternate dimension. Or something. 

Like, okay. First, the tightrope walking zebra, then the enormous horse chickens. And now, what? A dog centipede? A skateboarding owl? A _meditating_ _ Kuala?  _ Todd was over it. Why didn’t he just leave when he had the chance? Why did he go back to that hospital after the case was over? 

Todd could ask questions all day, but he knew he couldn’t deny that he was happy with his choice. Not when it got him his life with Dirk, which, to be fair, was sometimes quite  _ bizarre _ , or just straight up weird and life threatening. But other times, the times when he woke up to Dirk in his apartment, or when he was in the office with Farah and Dirk, at a job he didn’t even dislike, or when Amanda, sweet, brave Amanda, actually talked to him and genuinely smiled, and he smiled back, knowing he wasn’t lying to her anymore, times when he was more than content with his life, he didn’t regret it. Not one bit. 

Which is a little stupid at the moment, as, no matter how great his new life could be, it also, more often than you’d expect, involved weird animals, doing weird not-animal things, and got him questioning if he was in an alternate dimension. Or something. 

Dirk, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of his life cooing over the animals, the dog centipede in particular. Todd couldn’t imagine why, with all its short, hairy legs, and abnormally long body. He shivered. Best not to think about that too much. 

“Dirk?”, Todd called, finally saying something since the latest of their supernatural zoo appeared. “What do you think this all is? More soul-swapping time travelers? Alternate dimension?”

“Well,” Dirk began, “it certainly is something”. He said, as if that wasn’t the one thing going through his mind at the moment. Or something. He said it with a sparkle in his eye, different from his  _ we got a new case!  _ sparkle, and more like his  _ oh my god cute little furry object  _ sparkle. Todd disagreed with that, if only because those animals were  _ not  _ cute. 


	7. Chapter 6: Bubble Madness

Bubble alternate universe. 

Apparently, those exist. And somehow, Todd was jumping headfirst into one, as if danger was second nature at this point.

Was it worth it? Debatable. Was he doing it anyway? Yes. It’s not like he’d just let Dirk go in there on his own. Besides, this was what he signed himself up for when he went back to him that day at the hospital, all with one of his last Mexican Funeral shirts. Maybe not alternate universes, per se, with talking and randomly skillful animals, but is it really that different from time travelling soul swappers? 

They’re practically the same. It’s not even the first time he’s been in a different dimension. 

Shaking his head, Todd willed himself to stop thinking about it. It was too late to back out anyway. He took a deep breath, and glanced beside him at Dirk. It never failed to amaze him, and maybe slightly- no scratch that-  _ deeply  _ concern him how at home he looked in those kind of situations. Hell, who knows, maybe that’s what he looks like now too. 

Dirk was looking around, mouth slightly agape and eyes sparkling, not a hint of fear in them. He suddenly stopped moving his head so much, and stared at something, looking simultaneously suspicious and impressed. Todd followed his line of sight, and he stopped in his place. His eyes, unlike Dirk’s calm ones, were wide and frozen. Okay, maybe he’s not that used to this yet. 

In front of them- no,  _ all around them _ , were bubbles. Fragile, floating bubbles, of so many sized, Todd didn’t know what to think. They were aimlessly wafting through the air, drifting in all directions. He watched as one of them slowly made its way towards the ground, ethereal in its beauty, glowing and reflecting the colours all around it, and then, instead of popping as should all bubbles do, it bounced back up and carried on, whirling in the air with odd elegance. 


End file.
